I knew it when I looked into your eyes the other day. That sparkle – it was like looking into a planetarium of every star in the universe. It was a glistening I haven’t seen in a very long time, one I was almost afraid was gone. But in that moment, I knew I loved you – and you loved me right back.
And when I heard you singing in the shower, I knew it was like a dream that had come true. A reality so magical that I thought it only existed in the movies. I never thought I’d really be able to live it in real life, but there you were, so cheery and content that you felt comfortable enough to hum your favorite love song. And again, in that moment, I knew I loved you – and you loved me right back.
Nights full of panicked conversation were now filled with sweet cuddles and the whispers of possibilities. While the sunset was once a dreaded reminder of another day wasted, it was now the start of a sweet routine – a time to take care of us and to make the most of the moments we have before time gave us others to worry about. And in those tender moments, I knew I loved you – and you loved me right back.
When the thoughts in my head started turning sour, and I was worried this might be the end, you were right there fighting for me. You kept reminding me that we were always worth it – no matter what my darkest demons tried to tell me. It was those fighting words that pulled me through. And in those moments, I knew I loved you – and you loved me right back.
I know I can be a handful. I know that there are hellish days and sleepless nights, but I will always be forever grateful that you’re there, fighting for me tooth and nail. I am in awe of your strength and compassion and resilience. The way you face your demons head on and fight until you win. I know, even in my darkest hours, that you will continue to fight for me – for us. It is in those moments – and every moment in between – that I know I love you because I am you. And I won’t give up. Ever.
Quick little update on my life: I’ve been struggling for a while with anxiety/panic disorder and finally went and got some help since things were seemingly getting worse. Help from my doctor along with being (just about) sober, I’ve really learned a lot about myself in the past month. Since I’ve been feeling better and working towards being fully healthy, I wanted to post this piece.
It’s a love letter, from me, to me, to remind myself that things will always be okay. In my scariest moments, I would be caught in my head thinking that I’m worthless… I always knew in the back of my mind that it wasn’t true, but it’s hard to pull yourself out from that. Hopefully this piece helps anyone else looking for self-love and acceptance in their own lives.
“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”
Ever since I was little, I have always jam-packed my schedule. Whether it was school -> dance class -> homework or work -> school -> sorority event -> birthday party, I have always been go, go, go.
I usually am pretty good at handling it all, but sometimes I just need a break. I posted on my Instagram a little while ago about ways people de-stress and take time for themselves during a hectic week. I thought today was the perfect day to share them since it’s International Self-Care Day!
Maddie P.: She had some awesome suggestions including taking phone calls out in the sun, walking meetings, and really taking a moment to enjoy coffee/tea at the beginning and ending of your days!
Myles Perez-Miko: Even dogs can have suggestions, right?? My friend’s dog Myles recommends playing fetch, which is something I’m sure Captain would love for me to do too…
Kourtney: One of my besties says to end a rough day with a bubble bath and a glass of wine (bath bombs sold separately).
Margaux: She swears by face masks! She said taking the time to sit still and just enjoy the refreshing feeling helps make you feel instantly better.
Maggie Mikus: Maggie says trivia and margs, which ironically I do with my friends every week… So I second that motion.
On a more serious note too, self-care is so very important. There are days when I just can’t handle everything that’s going on, and I’m learning to accept that those days are okay. Every day is not going to be smooth or with minimum stress, but as long as I remember to take time for myself every once in a while (or to get better at saying “no”), then I’ll be able to really enjoy the other crazy days.
Everyone’s version of self-care is different, and I hope that you can find something that suits your own life. These suggestions are all great places to start, but until you really take the time to focus on you and your mind, you won’t know what works best (I’ve learned that for me, it usually involves sitting on a dock of a lake). Today, take time for you. It is an international holiday, after all.